(Photo credit: Chris Metcalf)
Yes, I am talking Christmas. Again. 80 days left. I have been waiting for this time of year since December 26th, 2008. Not kidding. I love Christmas time.
As my family begins prepping for the holiday season, I thought I would take just a few minutes to share how we do gifts for our children each Christmas. I recently read that the average American adult with a credit card racks up $1000 in debt during the Christmas season each year. (Source) And the average two-parent household spends about $1500 on gifts annually. (Source) With such a large percentage of Christmas gifts being purchased on credit, it’s an indicator that typical American Christmas spending is more than we can afford and out of control.
When we celebrated my daughter’s first Christmas a couple of years ago, she was just a few months old. As first time parents, we didn’t know what to get such a young baby, so we just got her a couple of smaller items. Good thing. At the ripe old age of 4 months, she was inundated with Christmas presents. More than we had space for in our house and more than she could appreciate (if that’s even possible at that age…).
It was at that point we made some decisions about future Christmas gifts from us (or Santa) to our children.
Call us Scrooge if you want, but we resolved to set a relatively small Christmas gift budget for each child. Candidly- $50 each. I’ve told this to people before and some have gasped at this point. Or given an eye-roll. Go ahead. I can’t see you, and even if I could, it wouldn’t bother me. But please understand- we love our children dearly and love giving them gifts.
With that said, we had a few reasons for making this decision.
1. We don’t want the focus of Christmas to be on what our children are getting. Of course, it’s fun to have new toys as a kid (or an adult!), and there’s nothing wrong with that. But there’s more to the holiday season than presents. The gifts are just a fun “extra”, not the main attraction. It’s important to my husband and I that we reinforce this idea each Christmas season.
2. We don’t want a cluttered house. Did you know that household clutter has negative effects on mental, physical, and emotional well-being, such as concentration, memory and sleep habits, just to name a few? (Source) While we are far from achieving this, we strive to have a clutter-free home. Toys that aren’t being used frequently contribute to clutter. Really, how many toys does one child need? Physically, there’s a limit to how many things a child can play with each day. I have found that in an average day, my daughter plays with about 6 of her toys, not including books. Anything other than those few toys just clutters the house. We have a set area for toys (not counting the few things in their rooms). Any new toys that enter the house either have to fit in this area or replace something else that’s there:
Authenticity disclaimer: No, the toy corner isn’t always that neat. I cleaned it up just for this picture. It stayed this way for about 60 seconds.
3. We’ve found that some of the most popular toys simply aren’t toys at all. They’re pots and pans to make music, cardboard boxes to make tunnels, pillows to make castles. The real toys get played with far less. Why buy more toys when our children will return to playing with these old standbys in just a few weeks after Christmas? Now, if you would like to get me new pots for Christmas, I’m open to that suggestion…
4. Our children aren’t going without toys. Just take a look at the picture above. Friends and family give them over and above what they could ever need. Why should we, as their parents, just add to this massive toy pile each year? What they’re being given by others keeps them more than up-to-date on toys for their ages and developmental stages.
5. The money that might be spent on Santa gifts can be used elsewhere. Perhaps giving to a needy child or a clean water effort in Africa? (Giving as a family can teach your child great lessons about selflessness and generosity!) Or how about giving your child a more lasting gift by investing some of their budgeted Christmas money in a college education?
You may be asking, “Do you take this same approach to buying for others?” No, not quite. We have a different budget and reasoning for the way we purchase gifts for friends and family. (Look for more on that in the weeks to come!)
We aren’t being Scrooge to our kids each Christmas. We truly want the best for them and believe that our relatively small gift budgets for them are for their own good. My husband I don’t have it all figured out, but for now, this is what we’ve found is best for our family.
I am sharing this to let you know that you aren’t being a bad parent if you don’t buy into the Christmas gift frenzy for your children. Don’t feel guilty if you cut back. It’s okay. The lessons you are instilling in your children (or the financial freedom from debt you might be giving yourself) far outweigh that hot new Christmas toy under the tree.
Keep it simple.
Cut back.
Focus on the true meaning of the holiday season.
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Oh boy, do I agree with you! I am shocked at the quantity of gifts my little ones receive. So, so much stuff and, really, my daughter is never happier than when she is cooking in the kitchen with me, reading library books or using dollar store watercolors! We keep it simple here too and definitely no debt for us!
I agree with you too! Last year we spent about $50 and with everything else he got even that was too much! This year, we will spend even less, so if someone says you’re a mean mom you can tell them about me…
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Excellent post! Our house has WAY too many toys – thanks to the generousity of well-meaning grandparents. However…starting last year, I let the kids open their presents on Christmas morning and when we bring the presents home, many (and I mean, MOST!) “mysteriously” get put away in our basement closet & pulled out periodically over the course of the year. Fortunately, our little guys are young enough not to wonder where their other gifts have gone – but even after asking the grandparents to scale back, it was STILL too much and too overwhelming to have several new toys to play with at once! I also use some of them for birthday gifts throughout the year to save money! Our “gift closet” always comes in handy!
good for you! I don’t have children yet but I’ve been to three baby showers this year so far. I cannot believe how much stuff comes with a baby! Ok I know most of it is NECESSITY, but some of the things couples register for just seems so excessive. It makes me want to take a miminalist approach when it is my turn. I don’t want all that “junk” in my home. Plus, as you know, have you seen the SIZE of toys these days? Huge!
I wonder if you will do the $50 “rule” when your children become preteens and teenagers.
GREAT post! Now to get hubby on board… :)
Hey Dana! I agree with you! My boys get so much stuff from other people. Another thing I do is buy used toys. The kids don’t know the difference as they are too young. For Brennan’s b-day I didn’t even spend any money! Yep, someone was givingaway a bouncy horse. I replied to the e-mail and that is what he got for his birthday!
.-= Renae´s last blog ..Free Photos at CVS =-.
We spend less than $100. each at Christmas. We buy toys all year at rummage sales and thrift shops. I sell the outgrown toys at our family rummage sale.
Dana, I’m so with you. For the past three Christmases that we’ve had kids we’ve only budgeted $20 or $25 per child. I think it might go up a bit as they get older, but not too much. I think $50 is very reasonable.
I really want my girls to retain the wonder and excitement of gifts, and they won’t have that sense if they are inundated with them. And they receive so many gifts from extended family members as well.
We’re also trying to start a tradition of “adopting” two angel tree children from the Salvation Army tree, the same age as each of our girls, to try to get them thinking of others first.
Glad to hear we aren’t alone in our ideas about gifts for our kids!
Renae- Great idea of buying toys used. If I pay only a fraction of the cost for an item, I don’t mind nearly as much if we decide to give it away when the thrill of it wears off and we need more space.
Lauren- Aren’t toys these days just HUGE? The grandparents who gifted Sadie her play kitchen for her bday had to search far and wide for one that wasn’t overwhelming large.
You also bring up a good question- will we continue with the $50 budget as our kids get older? I really don’t know. The amount will still be based on the same principals, but perhaps we will raise it as the kids get older and inflation rises.
You go Dana! I know we’ve had this talk before, but you insprire me! I am a self-proclaimed “spoiler.” We are really trying hard to declutter and the same goes for Christmas . We have a new attitude and have already made it very clear to family that we do not want a bunch of presents for the kids. We would rather them buy one or two really nice things that would keep for a long time or get a lot of use out of, then a bunch of small stuff that i eventually take to Goodwill. We are also going to stick to a strict budget this year while playing Santa. I’ll let you know how it goes. It’s hard for me, I’m not going to lie!!!
Sounds like all of you have small children. At that age, it’s quite simple to keep the budget low. Not so easy as they become teens. For teens, just one gift can cost $50.00. I wish you luck.
I had the same question as the above poster. Once your kids are older, used toys won’t cut it. TURST ME – I completely agree with you and we buy very few things for our toddler. But we also have “tween” girls – who request things like cell phones, MP3 players, Nintendo DS, etc, for birthdays and Christmas. Luckily my mother has taken care of the DS and the MP3 player, and we’ve told them they’re too young for cell phones still.
But again, I’m interested to see how that $50 works as they get older! :) Let me know what suggestions you have!
PS I’m so totally excited about all the new toy coupons that have come out recently. I’m really hoping to find some great prices on those items to take care of Christmas for our toddler ;)
I have my kids sort through their toys in October and November so clear the way for the holidays. Last year, we considered not even buying them anything since we knew the grandparents would go crazy as usual. They’re used to the culling now, and we do it before birthdays too.
One of the ways I’m prepping for the higher cost of digital/video/older kid items is by earning Swagbucks for Amazon GCs, keeping an eye out for deals well in advance (months ahead), and buying refurbished. My SIL has older kids and has always bought Ipods and such from Apple refurbished, they’re 1/3 to 1/2 the cost of new.
.-= Gina´s last blog ..FREE Kids Clinic at Lowe’s =-.
I haven’t even read your entire post yet, but I had to comment as soon as I read that people give you funny looks when you tell them the amount of money you spend on your children for Christmas. It really doesn’t matter how much you spend (a lot or a little), some people are going to have a comment regardless. It’s hard not to take it personally. You sound confident in the decisions you and your husband have made, and I applaud you for that. :)
Thank you so much for validating a point I’ve been trying to make every year with my in-laws who believe we are mean to our child for getting her only 3 presents each year–one “fun” present (a toy), one “practical” present (i.e., clothes) and one “educational” present (usually a book).
I hate to sound like a Scrooge, but I wish most of my inlaws would just either go with the “pick a person and spend a certain amount” or no gift at all. Last year I received earrings more suited to a 12 year old that were enameled monkeys, Christmas jewlery (like Christmas tree earrings and a necklace), a blown glass figurine, and some other stuff. I thanked everyone profusely for their presents and then annoyed my husband to death by giving almost everything to charity. If it is not something I will use, why keep it in the house? And even if its only a small amount of money that’s spent, if it’s not useful (or wanted) to the recipient, why spend the money at all?
I keep suggesting that we ask his parents about doing a “Secret Santa” and setting a limit (and giving lists) for one person or even a family, instead of trying to find useful and meaningful gifts for $5 or less for each member of the family (even at $5 that’s a lot of money as he has a lot of family members)–but each year I’m shot down by the suggestion.
We never go into debt but the griping and everything that my husband goes through just prove to me that he doesn’t enjoy it at all but keeps on doing it for tradition’s sake.
I enjoy Christmas so much more with my family where we give modest gifts to the children who are 17 or younger only and then just spend time enjoying each other’s company than I ever do with his family who are always so stressed about gifts and trying to pretend I’m elated over a set of monkey earrings.
Thank you for the reminder….I intend on having my children work on handmade gifts with me this year for family, friends, and neighbors. And lots of volunteering opportunities will allow me to really teach them the true meaning of Christmas, as well as giving back all year long!
Thank you!
Add me to the mean mom club. I buy some things on Black Friday and that’s about it. We have too. much. stuff. I started asking the grandparents for non-item gifts and they were AWESOME for us as a family: memberships to museums, zoos, etc and magazine subscriptions for the kids (they love to get stuff in the mail and then we pass them along to school or friends) or gift certificates for gymnastics classes. Things to DO out of the house not stuff to keep us IN the house.
We do Hanukkah also and we started a tradition of a book a night as their gift. I find them used or via scholastic or book fairs. It’s something that will always be age appropriate.
My oldest are 12 (twins), and they are perfectly fine with used toys. They have lived here long enough to know good things come from yard sales, and since they cost less, they just might get more stuff than if I bought things new. We definitely spend less than $50 per kid. And, so you don’t think we shortchange our little darlings, DH and I spend even less on each other.
BTW, their birthday present was (each) an mp3 player that I got at CVS on clearance for $10. It wasn’t an ipod, but they loved it.
When the kids were little, we also had things disappear on the way home from grandma’s. It was our way of keeping things from getting out of hand, and it kept our gift closet well stocked. My best friend did the same, so we often passed them to each other’s kids.
When they were small, my children played at a certain neighbor’s house just one time- the playroom was so chock full of toys that you could hardly move. The kids all went from one thing to another to another, never stopping to enjoy what they had in hand. It was so totally different from how they played at home, where they stayed with one thing for a good while. I think I prefer them to have an attention span of more than 30 seconds, even if it means they are “deprived” in someone else’s opinion.
I wholeheartedly agree. Last year my husband and I found an awesome deal for imaginex dinosaurs on craigs list. My then 2 year old son loved the dinosaurs from the .88 bin in walmart. We thought that he would really love dinosaurs that moved and talked and what could be better than about 12 of them. He was so overwhelmed that he doesn’t even play with them and he still brings out the walmart ones all the time. We have found that less is definetly more and with young children 4 or 5 nice toys is about all they can handle. Besides we want them to always appreciate gifts they recieve and not be so flooded with toys that they forget to be thankful. Thanks for your post!! You do a great job!
I’ve always wondered what the average family amounts were. WOW! I can’t believe how high they are! I have 5 children and we don’t spend anywhere NEAR that much!
I make a good number of gifts for my children, and they are practical gifts that are needed items (like pajamas, or a new dress for the girls). This year I am making dresses, pajamas, and slips. Lst year I also made dress-up clothes for my boys.
We give home-canned items (pomegranate jelly, apple butter, etc. and other homemade gifts to others as well. Consumable gifts don’t add to the clutter.
We also give books, and I buy some of them used as well. My oldest daughter is getting a set of American Girl books that look like new, but cost me 1/3 the price of new ones!
For stockings for our children, they get candy, nuts, a clementine, a small toy (sometimes; this year it will be printable paper dolls and paper toys), and something practical, like socks , tights, barrettes, or hair bows. Last year my 3 yo and 5yo boys were SO grateful for new socks!
We will also give used clothes (bought at garage sales or consignement stores). This year I am giving one child a dupioni silk Christmas dress that I bought at a used children’s clothing store for $10. She will be able to wear it to church as well several times, and then it can be passed down to a younger sister.
I have a page on my site for sewn gifts and one for frugal gifts (that aren’t sewn) as well as a page for helping others when you don’t have much (or any).
We’ve had some tight Christmases the past few years where everything we gave was handmade. I’ve enjoyed that tradition, and this year I am grateful to be able to buy a few small things, though it is still tight.
I fully agree with your ideas presented here, especially in the case of younger children.
I do worry about what we’ll do as our son grows older. And the other children in our family too. Teens are so discontent these days…
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